Damo Gill's DOOM

[Paul]

The place to discuss our latest peice of fan fiction which can be found at;

http://www.doom3portal.com/fanfiction/dgdoom/

[Wester547]

Not bad.

[Demon Damo]

Hey, im damo, im the one who rote my story neways, i just wanna no if any of use have ne ideas on how i could change it to make it better, and im open to critisism

[Wester547]

Hey, im damo, im the one who rote my story neways, i just wanna no if any of use have ne ideas on how i could change it to make it better, and im open to critisism

Well I'd try to detail the sequences a little bit more, spend more time on details, but try not to make the story boring...... details, details, details.......

[Demon Damo]

yea the only reason i didnt detail it much initially is because i wrote the story for an english assignment, and it was meant to be a short story, under 600 words, but i just cant rite a story under 600 words, so i made it longer, but didnt wanna go to the extremem of making it proper long story. when i find a spare minute ill try detail it more. thanx 3D

[Ransom]

Personally I like the lack of detail, particularly the absense of any real description of the demons - creates a sense of the unknown. I found SM's overdetailed descriptions of everything kinda wasteful, to be honest, and took out any atmosphere that was left after the horrible humour. My problem with your story is it doesn't seem to go anywhere, and as I already said it just seems to be about a couple of guys walking around the place before they get killed.

[Demon Damo]

yea, i never actually intended to describe the demons. i tried while writing a draft, and it just made it lose any type of imagination. when sum ones reading it, they imagining wat it kod be, but if i give description, it myte not be wat they had imagined or hoped for. it kod reck the story for them. everyone will see demon as something different in there own mind. when i said i will try detail it more, i meant i was gunna detail surroundings and feelings. and maybe sum more gore gotta love the gore. i will also try have a purpose for the story. when i find time, ill try change it up a lil, so it aint just pointlessly running and and trying to escape back out. thanx for the help. any other suggestions?

[Mr. Smith]

good but lacking in some areas

[Wester547]

good but lacking in some areas

Such as detail, as I noted in my earlier post in this thread....

[Mr. Smith]

forizzel wester, as your post was lacking too.

[Wester547]

forizzel wester, as your post was lacking too.

And yours is even more lacking, infact, there's nothing that exists that's not lacking, so, uh, yeah, enough of your mindless spamming antics...

[Ransom]

Man, I should put you two in a box and sell tickets. You guys are hilarious.

[Mr. Smith]

forizzel wester, as your post was lacking too.

And yours is even more lacking, infact, there's nothing that exists that's not lacking, so, uh, yeah, enough of your mindless spamming antics...

me sa spamming jar jar binks??????????
looks like the pot calling the kettel black.

[Wester547]

me sa spamming jar jar binks??????????
looks like the pot calling the kettel black.

Just shut-up if you're gonna continue to persistently spam!

[Saladin]

I concur, can we change Smith's avatar to Hello Kitty?